Отправлено: 29.11.05 16:26. Заголовок: pwp without a title

воть, пробило мя))))
строго не судите - все-таки первая слэха на английском.
пара: Рих\Тилль______________________________________________________
Gleich und gleich gesellt sich gern. Oh, Till is fucking right! Him and me are very much alike. Sometimes one can even guess what the other is going to say. I don`t know what, but something strong and "not normal" as people say chained me to him many years ago. Affection or addiction. When we first met i was really charmed by his bright eyes and kind welcoming smile. I couldn`t help watching every his movement and catching every word when we were together. I must confess i still can`t. And i was nearly happy when succeeded in persuading Till to sing in the band. Happy to hear his voice, deep and a bit hoarsy.
I`ve been always trying to make my feelings unnoticable for Till, to hide my arousal when he approaches or occasionally touches me. At the concerts i like to see him kneeling at my feet and singing "Heirate mich". It makes me almost hard to imagine those words pronounced for me. But i know my stupid dreams never come true.
I`ll not speak with him about it `cause i don`t want to lose my best friend. I`m sure i`m only a friend for him. But he means much more for me.
He and Paul have just left. They called on to discuss some ideas concerning our new video. Till was a bit gloomy, as usual. I caught his sight on me several times but couldn`t understand what it meant. As if he wanted to say something... that probably only seemed so to me.
Taking a shower at the moment, absent-mindedly i begin to caress my body, soapy and smooth now, imagining Till`s big palms on it instead of my own. I close my eyes and let the hot water pour on my face. Through its loud sound i hear the door-bell ringing.
Fuck! Whoever you are you`ve chosen the wrong time for a visit. Never take Richard out of the bathroom! As the bell`s still ringing persistently and there`s not enough time to dress, i can do nothing but wrap a towel around my thighs and go to the front door. I open it and blush.
- Oh... ehm... sorry, Rich. I didn`t want to interrupt you.
- Don`t mind, Till. Come in. What`s happened?
- You know, when i reached the house i couldn`t find my keys. I must have left them here.
- Search. I`ll put something on and then help you.
- Don`t be shy. You look awfully good dressed like this.
Till grins. What does he mean?
I come back to the room in the T-shirt and sport-trousers. He`s sitting on the sofa and holding the keys.
- Where did you find them?
- Right here, on the table.
- Good. By the way, are you hungry?
- Yes, but not much.
- Help yourself to a drink. I`ll fetch something to eat.
Strange - i think while making sandwiches - i didn`t notice the keys after the guys have left. And Till`s odd remark...
I sit next to him. He`s silent. It makes me nervous.
- Wanna drink? - i ask again as i feel the need to drink to relax a bit.
- Sure. I was just waiting for you. You know i never drink alone.
I get a bottle of whiskey and two glasses. He empties his in a moment, i do the same with mine.
It`s rather late but we`re still drinking and talking about this and that. I enjoy him just being near me.
Then he stretches his arm towards me as if wishing to embrace. As my brain can`t control my actions well now, i move closer to him and lean my head on his shoulder. To my great surprise Till doesn`t move away but just really embraces me softly, stroking my cheek. Shylessly i lay my hand on his lap and begin to rub it up and down. Till presses me harder to him, then suddenly something hot as a flame touches my neck - his gentle kiss. I face him looking straight in the bottomless grey eyes.
- What are you doing?
- Try to guess.
He laughs. I`m not in condition to think. All i want is to continue this game.
- I know what you`ve been feeling about me all the time.
- Really?! And you didn`t make any sign for me? You tortured me like this! You fucking bast...
He doesn`t let me finish - he simply presses his lips to mine. I can`t resist so i open my mouth to welcome his greedy tongue. He bites my lip and then breaks the kiss.
- I just wasn`t ready to answer your love, my Richie... but now i am.
Till`s voice, deep and hot, near my ears. I hear his breathing.
He forces me to lie down but i quickly change the roles. I want to taste every part of him first. I`ve been dreaming about it too long.

 Отправлено: 29.11.05 16:26. Заголовок: Re:

So Till`s lying on the thick woolen carpet, i sit astride of him and unbutton his shirt kissing his stubbly face at the same time. His hands travel along my back under the T-shirt and soon take it off. His broad hairy chest is covered with sweat. I bend down to collect it using my tongue and lips. Playing with his hard nipples i move back and forth making our erect cocks rub against each other in an exquisite way. Till gasps and slips his hands into my pants. With a bit shaking fingers i try to unzip his trousers.
In a few minutes we`re both naked completely. I tease Till not taking his cock fully in my mouth but just licking its head. He begins to moan loudly grabbing my hair. I give him a deep passionate kiss and he groans into my mouth. I feel he`s dying from pleasure and desire. And so am i. How exciting...
Till`s legs - on my shoulders. My flesh penetrates him gently. He cries and grips my buttocks firmly. Feeling his insides around my cock drives me crazy.
The hot rhythm of pure lust. I`m nearly ramming him trying to go deeper as he begs me to. Faster and faster. We both are close to the end. I jerk Till`s erection and he, growling, splashes my belly with a stream of hot liquid. Two last thrusts and i explode in him scratching his chest with my nails.
We are panting, lying face to face. Hands entwining each other`s bodies. I look in Till`s eyes and smile to him, and he smiles back.
- I was looking for love so long but i didn`t realize that it was near me all the time. Sorry for keeping you waiting and suffering because of it.
- I`m sure we`ll be able to make up all the lost years.
- Me too. "Better late than never" they say.
He kisses me on the nose and ruffles my hair slightly.
I don`t answer. I`m beginning to doze protected in his strong arms. Calm and happy at last.

The End. 27.11.05

 Отправлено: 30.11.05 05:25. Заголовок: Re:

ein Traum пишет:

цитата

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Till`s legs - on my shoulders

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- думаю, это несколько тяжеловато даже для Рихарда с его борцовским прошлым

А позвольте вопрос - почему на английском, что сподвигло?

 Отправлено: 30.11.05 13:51. Заголовок: Re:

зачем - я пожалуй, догадываюсь))) чтобы завоевывать широкую аудиторию)))
хм, я в инглише не спец, в смысле стиля... по-моему нормально)))

 Отправлено: 30.11.05 16:55. Заголовок: Re:

federfleisch
ну не знаю, так получилось.)))) да и языка другого не знаю пока. умела бы - написала ба на немецком)

Achenne
ну не без этого конечно))))) , но все-таки это было не главным. чессно! просто хотелось что-то новое попробовать, посмотреть что получится.

 Отправлено: 30.11.05 17:47. Заголовок: Re:

ein Traum

Ясно)) Английский - хороший)) А содержание...ну, pwp есть pwp

И всё-таки, имхо, пвп-шки и на родном-то писать трудно, мучаешься, как бы ту или иную часть тела/действие интимного характера обозвать... а на английском всё это выглядит как ... инструкция. Или официальный репортаж с места событий Чувства - другое дело, а механику лучше всё же на русском живописать

 Отправлено: 30.11.05 18:08. Заголовок: Re:

убейте меня тапком, но я даже не стал читать(((((( инглиш, блин(((((
не родное!

 Отправлено: 30.11.05 20:19. Заголовок: Re:

*Ушла насиловать свой вконец огерманившийся мозг*. Попозже отпишусь. ))

 Отправлено: 30.11.05 21:16. Заголовок: Re:

оригинально именно то, что тут и не на русском.
полностью согласен с federfleisch - напоминает инструкцию по использованию половых органов.

 Отправлено: 01.12.05 13:11. Заголовок: Re:

кто тут обгерманился?
эм....Я туть воть хотел попросить, мож, вы нам нашего "Любимого немца" на дойч переведёте? шибко просит публика сие на дойче исполнить

 Отправлено: 01.12.05 20:58. Заголовок: Re:

а мне идея понравилась...хоть и банальная, но люблю такие)
а вот инглиш - не очень, надеюсь, дальше (если будешь еще писать) будешь совершенствоваться;)) но тут создается, что не англо-язычный человек писал...

 Отправлено: 01.12.05 21:38. Заголовок: Re:

draw, с немецкого - милости просим, а вот наоборот ... это нужно много-много практики. Пока что, увы. (( Даже если попытаться, получится что-то вроде адаптированного перевода. А с поэзией так нельзя. ))Кстати, "немца" я б тоже с удовольствием на немецком почитала.

По теме: Читается легко. Но, вот с этим Cheeffa пишет:

цитата

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не англо-язычный человек писал...

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нельзя не соласиться. А вообще, молодец, что решилась. ;)

 Отправлено: 02.12.05 17:41. Заголовок: Re:

Firn Cheeffa

пасибки! Я ж только второй курс еще, мне до native speaker`ов как до Луны!

 Отправлено: 02.12.05 20:10. Заголовок: Re:

wow, you definitely get kudos for the daring effort would you consider posting it to the Yahoo list? they'll love it there, and you'll be sure to get concrit from native speakers.
from my [non-native ] opinion, the fic lacks one thing - the breaking of rules. it's...err...too grammatically precise. to add depth and a tinge of your very personal original taste, you can play with idioms/synonyms more..like with 'mean' - what did he mean vs. what did he imply? secondly, you could have gone away from making the sentences so short - thus you'd get rid of this telegraphic style and it'd seem less of an instruction and more of a real feelings story. it's one of the main and most annoying superstitions to believe that Russian tends to have long, flowery sentences and English speaks in short phrases..totally wrong, of course.
there were also some minor discrepancies in word order and prepositional correlations - i could go over them if you wish.

p.s. ах, как приятно печатать отзыв, не переключая клавиатуру я поражена, правда, самим фактом появления англо-фика на тотально русском форуме

 Отправлено: 05.12.05 17:24. Заголовок: Re:

DasTier
oh, thanks.

DasTier пишет:

цитата

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i could go over them if you wish.

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if it`s not difficult for you - do please))) I`d be glad.

 Отправлено: 06.12.05 13:00. Заголовок: Re:

draw
draw пишет:

цитата

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убейте меня тапком, но я даже не стал читать(((((( инглиш, блин(((((
не родное!

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эх ты.... училка английского.....

 Отправлено: 06.12.05 13:55. Заголовок: Re:

вообще да, хочу автору добавить - молодец, не побоялась...вот я точно не смогу, т.к. знаю, что как по-русски все равно не написать((( и не хочу насиловать несчастный инглиш)))

 Отправлено: 06.12.05 23:52. Заголовок: Re:

all right then, there's really only a few. don't ask me for explanations, sometimes it just is this/that way or tends to, at least...

"Me and him are very much alike" - Him and me
"that probably only seemed to me so" - seemed so to me
"hot water pour to my face" - pour on(to)
"and he groans in my mouth" - one can't really groan inside a mouth, can he. this one repeats a few times, earlier on with hands slipping in the pants - should be 'into' in both cases.
"and smile to him. He smiles back to me." - cut the last 'to me'. you know, most fun with English is that you can cut away half a sentence using the connection of parallel structure b/w 2 phrases...something that can't really be done in Russian and thus sounding so much...lighter?
"ruffles slightly my hair" - ruffles my hair slightly

that's all uh, i feel so...nit-picky hope some of it is helpful.

 Отправлено: 07.12.05 18:30. Заголовок: Re:

DasTier

word order is my weak point... really))))) danke, you`ve been the most helpful *gone to study grammar*

 Отправлено: 08.12.05 16:22. Заголовок: Re:

*хлопая глазами* бекоз айм а факин джёман сошиализм энд ай лав....хэй, донт тач май биэр энд донт лаут эбаут ми, окей?

 Отправлено: 10.12.05 14:32. Заголовок: Re:

Gut